Listen to this address


From: Bill Clinton [president@whitehouse.com]
Sent: Sunday, November 14, 1999 01:30 AM
To: SPU miscreants
Subject: National Security Alert


Listen to this address
Click here for the shagadellic remix (zipped mp3)


My fellow Americans,

     It has come to my attention that despite billions of dollars spent educating our citizens, there are still some people who have no common sense regarding computer viruses. The best example of this can be found at Seattle Pacific University: where students, faculty and staff persist in opening attachments that contain a virus. Specifically, the so-called "Check this" virus has been causing enormous difficulties, despite many warnings from computer experts there telling users not to open the accompanying attachment.


     I have responded to this crisis with decisive action. This morning I signed an executive order (effective immediately) mandating that anyone who opens the attachment to an e-mail with the subject "Check this" will be executed immediately and without trial by the closest governmental authority figure who happens to have a gun.


     I know this may seem drastic, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I feel that there is no room for stupidity in a country as pure and morally superior as ours. Stupidity is a form of immorality, and immorality cannot be tolerated in anyone.


     In closing, I would like to make this as clear as possible for those who have slipped through the cracks of our glorious educational system:


DO NOT OPEN THE "Check this" ATTACHMENT. IF YOU DO, YOU WILL DIE! DIE DIE DIE!!!



Sincerely,

William Jefferson Blythe "The scythe" Clinton



p.s. This means you:

Timothy Surdyk
Charlene Stephens
Joyce Erickson
Blake DeYoung
Tracy Cooper
Dawn McReynolds
Madge Sherman
Dan Tripps
Robert Weathers
Janelle Patterson
Edward Newlin
Tricia McKibben
Josiah Sullivan
Robin Hilt
Jeremy Brooks
Craig Kispert
James McDougall
Kerwin Higashi
Vickie Rekow
John Grange
Marcy Kinzel
Jeff Neuenschwander


Listen to this address
Click here for the shagadellic remix (zipped mp3)