From: Office of Student Rights [osr@spu.edu]
Sent: Sunday, April 02, 2000 03:24 PM
To: SPU Students
Subject: 5:30 PM Protest: Get Angry

Get Angry. The housing plan has been rewritten, and you are worse off for it.

Juniors and Seniors are to be forced out of the dorms and estimates say at least fifty seniors will be forced off campus entirely.


Here's why you should care:

1) Want to keep the same room? Well EAT SAND! Settling has been abolished under the new plan. You will have to take whatever room they assign you.

2) Do you value the traditions of your floor passed down from generation to next? Well INHALE METHANE! The only upperclassmen in the dorms will be student leaders.

3) Are you a sophomore or a junior? Do you want to live in the dorms? Well SUCK LARD! You have last priority for residence hall doubles. No longer does seniority have any bearing on housing policy.

4) Are you a senior? Do like living on campus? Well SNORT SLIME! You have last priority for the apartments, and it is estimated that fifty of you will be denied housing completely.


Here's what you can do:

Show up at 5:30 PM in the Lobby outside of Gwinn for a protest. We are angry and we will be making a big stink. Bring signs if you want. Suggested signs are as follows:

"Heck no, we won't go!"
"New Housing Plan Unfair!"
"Phil Eaton is a Momma's Boy!"

Okay, perhaps that last one isn't relevant. Use your imaginations.


Here's what some famous people have say about the new housing plan:

Limp Bizkit: "So you can take that housing plan, and stick it up your YEAH!"

President Clinton: "This new housing plan is good. Okay, well I guess that depends on what your definition of the word 'is' is."

Pope John Paul II: "I would like to apologize for Christian apathy during the Holocaust. And also during the crafting of the new SPU housing policy."

God: "At least you know that _I_ won't run out of room for you."

Satan: "I _like_ it!"

Triumph the Dog (from Conan O'Brian): "This new housing plan is pretty useful... FOR ME TO POOP ON!"


And in conclusion, a limerick:

There once was a college called Spoo.
     They ran out of beds, and didn't know what to do.
So they crafted a new housing plan,
     From the dorms next year's juniors it banned.
Disappeared was the old way of settling;
     The seniors would soon be street peddling.
The plan lacks an ounce of class,
     It's just one big pain in the... neck.

Remember, 5:30 PM Monday April 3rd, protest in the Gwinn Lobby.

Copyright 2000
Office of Student Rights