DUI Co-Chairman
    and Content Manager


I have to say I really like this program called Web Vengeance. Click on the picture at the bottom of this page to check it out.

This page is my personal ranting ground, to yell and pound my fist on the desk and generally make a large racket.

AND YOU WILL LISTEN TO EVERY DANG WORD I SAY. SO SHUT UP AND SIT QUIETLY WHILE I SPEAK THE TRUTH!!!!




(or at least something close to it)

Dolphins are Stupid

     May 3rd, 1999
     (Stardate 9991.3050.2138)

     YOU'RE IN MY WORLD NOW

     I feel I just have to address something gone terribly wrong in this world. Dolphins. Yes, you heard me right, dang it. I said dolphins. Yeah, I know, you think they're cute. You think they are smart. That's what you've been told. Told by the system. THE SYSTEM! DO YOU HEAR ME?! THEY ARE FORCE-FEEDING YOU THESE LIES!!

     Yeah, they may LOOK cute, and their trainers may SAY they are are smart, but they aren't smart. Not at all. (Imagine an uppity nasal voice here) "Dolphins are easily as intelligent as man because they develop complex social relationships with other creatures and display learning skills higher than any other animal. Really humans could learn a lot from dolphins. They have the intelligence to aide them in living full happy lives, without the instinct to use their intelligence to prey on other creatures. We are indeed inferior."

     Can you say "Brainwash"? I knew you could. DON'T LISTEN TO THEM! Dolphins may be smart for an animal, but they are INFINITELY STUPID compared to a man. Show me a dolphin book. Show me a dolphin writing ANYTHING without a human being training them to do it! Show me ANY tool they have ever made without encouragement from people. Even a MONKEY uses tools! They sit there in their little tanks and push their little buttons with their pointy little noses, and their trainers rave about how smart they are! Pteuey!

     If Dolphins were smarter than humans, don't you think they'd try and do something about our dumping our waste all over their habitat? Even if they could conceive of such a thing as rising up against mankind, they wouldn't. Why? BECAUSE WE'D BLOW THEIR WATERY LITTLE CARCASSES TO KINGDOM COME WITH NUCLEAR MISSILES! THAT'S WHY!

     Don't listen to those scientist dunderheads. The next time you are in some class where some know-it-all teacher tries to tell you that dolphins are smart, you tell them they are wrong, and if they don't like it, they can go talk to

PORTENT

 


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