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Conformity

A Bible-based skit written for church use.

Romans 12:2

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

Characters:

Witness
At least 4 “conformers”

Setting:

A couch (or row of chairs) is setting at rear center stage, with a remote control setting on the ground beside it.

The conformers are scattered about the stage, with their heads down, frozen. The witness waits off stage out of sight. Big band music begins to play. The conformers awaken, and begin to dance with each other, in somewhat of a swing style. After about 20 seconds of this, the witness walks on to stage carrying a small Bible, observing the conformers. They attempt to make the witness join, but he resists.

The music stops. The conformers freeze. The witness continues to walk about them, trying to get their attention, but they are like statues. Suddenly, some suspenseful music (James Bond, Mission Impossible, etc…) begins to play. The conformers immediately awaken, and begin to walk shrewdly around with their fingers shaped as guns, making jerky movements, pointing the “guns” around. The witness comes up to one of them with the Bible, and opens it and points to it. The conformer sees the Bible, and gradually stops doing what the others are.

The music stops. The other conformers freeze. The witness and converted conformer try to get the others’ attention, but cannot. Suddenly, some popular sitcom theme music begins to play. The conformers walk over to the couch and sit down as one picks up the remote. They laugh and point at the imaginary television on front center stage. The witness and old conformer then approach the conformer on the end of the couch (the one with the remote) and show them the Bible. The conformer tries to ignore at first, but is eventually paying attention only to the witness and Bible, and powers off the TV with the remote. The music stops, and the remaining conformers freeze and put their heads down. The witness and two former conformers get on their knees as if to pray. When they are done, it is suggested to play “Hallelujah” from Handel’s “Messiah”.

Fade out after about 20 seconds.

Living Water

Preface:
I would just like to take this opportunity to say that this “skit” made a lot more sense when Coke was selling it’s Mountain Dew clone, Surge.

(Based on Coca-Cola’s Surge© commercial)
A Bible-based skit written for church use.

John 4:10

Jesus answered and said to her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, ‘Give Me a drink,’ you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water.”

John 4:14

“…but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.”

Characters:

One Orator
At least 4 “extras”

Setting:

One large pyramid shaped tower standing about 4-5 feet tall on right of stage. Various obstacles scattered throughout rest of the stage.

The Orator stands beside the pyramid with a clear bottle of water in their hand. The extras stand on the far end of the stage, or offstage, if room. The Orator moves the bottle from far left to right, as if to display it to the crowd. He then sets the bottle down with both hands on top of the bottle, and slowly outstretches his hands from the top of the bottle to fully extended fists.

Orator:

(yelling) “LIVING WATERRRRR!!!”

Music such as Chariots of Fire, or Hawaii 5-0 are optional at this point.

The extras then begin in slow motion towards the pyramid with the bottle on top of it. Climbing over each other, falling over the obstacles, they move as if in slow motion until one of the extras reaches the bottle. When one of the extras reaches the bottle, they hold it up in the air, smiling, then take a drink and hand it to the next person, who drinks and hands it on, etc…

If music was being played, it is faded out.

Orator:

“In John chapter four, the Bible tells us: Jesus answered and said to her, ‘If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, ‘Give Me a drink,’ you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water. …But whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.'”

Black Hole Battles

Preface:
Some things just seem a lot funnier when you are a high school sophomore.

Return of the Bolo
Episode 437

Characters

  • Narrator
  • Duke Skycrawler
  • Princess Allah
  • Garth the Caterer
  • Hands Como

Narrator:

“Not long ago in a galaxy near, near by there was a young Bolo Master named Duke Skycrawler. This galaxy is controlled by a conspiracy which is mastered by Duke. Well, he thinks, but really he’s just a disgruntled postal worker for the U.S. Postal Service turned psycho-maniac custodian for the conspiracy.” “In the Mobi Desert on the Planet Zork, Galaxy M-52a beta, time 12:01pm PST, Allah and Duke are walking through the desert to rescue Hands Como from the Clutches of the anti-evil Garth the Caterer who kidnapped Hands and is forcing him to sample fine cuisine after he tried to steal his secret recipe for Bolo meat-balls…”

Garth:
“So, you like my recipes so much, do you? Here, try this one: Chicken in teriyaki sauce!”

Hands:
“No, noooooo! No more chicken!!!”

Garth:
“All right, no more chicken. Time for dessert! Asparagus flavored Jell-O!”

Hands:
“I thought you were righteous! You’re nothing but a sick, twisted gourmet chef!”

Garth:
(As he shoves the Jell-O into Hands’ mouth.) “Thank you, I do what I can.”

Hands:
MMMPPPPGGHHHH!

Narrator:
“And now, back to Duke and Allah!”

Duke:
“You know, I’ve always felt a special bond between us, Allah.”

Allah:
(Seductively) “I know what you mean. I feel it too.”

Duke:
(Complaining) “How much farther?”

Allah:
“Quit your complaining. We must save Hands from the righteous cook Garth the Caterer.” (They reach the door, knock, and without waiting for an answer, let themselves in. Eventually, they reach a kitchen where Garth is cooking a seven course dinner.)

Garth:
“Ah, I’ve been expecting you… Please, come in. Try some of my excellent new Jell-O.”

Duke:
“Never! I know full well that Jell-O is flavored like asparagus! I could smell it the second I walked in the door!”

Allah:
“Asparagus! Oh my! Save me Duke!” (She faints. Garth chuckles.)

Garth:
“Asparagus? It’s not true! I swear it!”

Duke:
“Oh… Okay… Give us Hands!”

Garth:
“Never!”

Duke:
“Well then, I guess that leaves us only one option.”

Garth:
“Paper football?”

Duke:
(Seriously) “You got it. To the death!” (Duke and Garth go at it violently. Both equal at the skill of paper football.) “Yes, I win! 21 to 18, wow! Well, see you later. Thanks for the game.” (He picks up Allah and starts walking away. He gets to the door and suddenly stops.) “I feel the Ecrof pulling me to press my memo button.” (He pushes it and it talks.)

Memo:
“You eeediot! You forgot to get Hands!”

Duke:
“Oh! Thanks wonder memo taking thingy!”

Narrator:
“Duke drops Allah and goes back to Garth’s kitchen to retrieve Hands.”

Hands:
“Thanks for saving me pal!” (He races off. Duke goes back to where he dropped Allah, who is now conscious, and they embark on their journey home.)

Allah:
“You’re my hero! I love you Duke.”

Duke:
“Oh… Thanks. I like you too.”

Allah:
“Duke, let’s get married right now.”

Duke:
“I would, but my shift started a half an hour ago, so I’m already late.”

Allah:
“No… Now! Take me now!”

Duke:
“Where?”

Allah:
“Let’s go back to Garth, maybe he will marry us.” (They return to Garth’s kitchen.) “Garth, will you marry us?”

Garth:
(Laughing a righteous laugh) “Sure… Why not?”

Duke:
“What’s so funny? Well never mind, can you kinda’ hurry, I’m late for work!”

Garth:
“Sure, no problem. Oh, and I’ll tell you later what I was laughing at.”

Narrator:
“Garth marries the couple. Duke goes to work, and gets chewed out by his boss. He comes home late, but Allah is still waiting up for him… The next morning, the communicator rings. Duke answers.”

Duke:
“Hello?”

Garth:
“Hi Duke, this is Garth. I just thought I’d call to tell you what was so funny yesterday.”

Duke:
“Okay, I’m listening.”

Garth:
“There has always been a special bond between you and Allah.”

Duke:
“Hey, we were just talking about that yesterday before you married us. We both felt it.”

Garth:
“Well, I think there is something you ought to know about that special feeling.”

Duke:
“Yeah, go on.”

Garth:
“Well, I’m not sure how to say this.”

Duke:
“Just tell me already!!!”

Garth:
“Well… Ah… You will probably hate me for this, and I really should have told you yesterday, but it was so funny (He laughs out loud again.) (Fast and slurred) You and Allah are brother and sister and I’m your father. Bye. (Garth hangs up.)

Narrator:
“Duke sits with a look of astonishment on his face which soon turns to a sly smirk.”

THE END