Retrospect

I shoulda not just sat there.
     smiling like a fool.
I coulda touched her silky hair;
     broken all the rules.
I woulda told her she was rare—
     precious, shining as a jewel.
I wish I’d mentioned how I care,
     tried to win my inner duel.

So now I sit here looking back
     thinking of the things I lack.
I want to pull out of this rut.
     One thing stops me—one word—but.

But right now I’m safe, secure as I sit here.
     There is nothing to fix.
But what if she says what I don’t want to hear?
     I just can’t take that risk.

Who will show me what to do?
     Who will guide my path?
I need to trust in only You.
     My God in present, future, past.

I know You have great plans for me,
     if only I would try to see.
So I won’t worry about finding someone
     of all that I shoulda coulda woulda done.


Commentary

This poem arose from a late night discussion with my roommates. I can’t give all the details of that conversation, but let’s just say that we were discussing things that frustrate us. Things that we wish we had more control over. I called this “Retrospect” because it is written from a viewpoint of someone looking back remorsefully on past experiences. Anyway, that’s all.

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