Today on a group chat at
work, the topic of “Sharknado” came up. Because of course it did. In said chat, someone linked to an article in which the writer of “Sharknado” claims that “the shark genre has reached its natural and logical conclusion.” I believe that we proved his thesis wrong.
For reference, here is the “Sharknado” trailer:
RT: NPR: ‘Sharknado’ Dares To Ask: Is It Going To Rain Giant Man-Eating Sharks?
YO: I feel like I should revive our shark air-swimmer.
NG: Sharknado was all the rage lat night on Twitter. 9/10 tweets were about it
FN: OMG. Seriously, EVERYONE I follow on Twitter was going nuts about Sharknado.
OS: Fin’s name should have been Foo. Then Foo could have owned a bar, and been friends with Baz.
FN: The company that makes these movies is called The Asylum. They were also responsible for the “Megashark vs.” series and other recent super low budget classics. There was one with a mega piranha. Here’s a 2010 article about The Asylum.
OS: The low-budget big action knock-off is such a funny niche. I’ve been watching a lot of Rifftrax recently of mid-80s straight-to-video knockoffs. There’s always the one or two big-name actors who are slumming or fallen on hard times, the incomprehensible plot, and the strangely professional cinematography and sometimes stunts.
FN: Last sharknado bit from me for today (I have so much work I’m avoiding!): io9 did an excellent interview with the writer.
GR: Ha ha, awesome: “Honestly, I don’t understand why people are so perplexed by this concept. The logic is undeniable.”
TO: That interview is hilarious.
TO: “Has the shark disaster movie run its course, or are we just ramping up? It’s called Sharknado. I think the shark genre has reached its natural and logical conclusion.”
NO: In other words, have shark movies… jumped the shark?
YO: What about sharks in space?
YO: “Freddy vs. Shark”?
OS: “Sharks on a Plane”?
XW: Zombie laser sharks in space. On fire.
GR: What if the Yellowstone Caldera were full of… SHARKS?!? “Megasharkano,” in theaters 2014.
RF: “Shark Impact” – Asteroid containing space-sharks on course to destroy Earth. …or would that be “Shark-ageddon”?
RF: Ooh, nice.
RF: I guess for the logic to be undeniable, it would have to be a comet containing frozen space sharks
RF: +1 if the sharks are sentient/intelligent. Then you could pull in the “Independence Day” trope.
ET: RE: intelligent sharks — Deep Blue Sea
RF: @ET good point; the movie should also feature the star power of LL Cool J.
TO: Microscopic sharks (ala Fantastic Voyage; 1966) attacking the body from within!
GR: Megashark vs. Microsharks!
TO: Megashark thinks it killed microshark by eating it, microshark kills megashark from within, microshark dies due to a lifeless host. A shakespearean shark tragedy!
GR: You know what guys let’s just forget this real estate thing and pivot Redfin into a shark disaster movie company.
YO: We can keep the company name.
RF: Can we work zombie sharks into this?
QS: @GR How do you know that this ISN’T a shark disaster movie?
QS: Oh, hang on, guys. I’ll be right back…
RF: Somebody’s at the door!
RF: Man, the internets are sadly devoid of any SNL Landshark skits. Wow; first aired in 1975. Now I feel *really* old.
NO: You know what Twilight needed? Hunky teenage sharks.
QS: [Vampire Sharks]
NO: Would vampire sharks work together with vampire ents?
QS: I found this trailer when googling Vampire Sharks. It has, ah, homegrown charm.
RF: How about weresharks?
RF: That would be an unfortunate affliction to have you if you were landlocked during a full moon.
FYI: I anonymized the chat participants and cleaned things up a bit for readability.